The question men really need to stop asking women

I like my compliments as I like my gin – lots. There’s absolutely nothing better than someone sending a strong token of their appreciation your way. I’ve even taken to going to the same shop near work simply because the woman who does the odd shift there always tells me that I’m beautiful. That doesn’t make me a glory hunter – who doesn’t like being told they’re attractive?

Drunk girls are renowned for being fantastic at this; ladies pub loos are havens where inebriated women compliment each other on everything from shoes to arses. Women in general – even in the absence of several cocktails – are great at complimenting each other without the fear of looking weird. We’re allowed to compliment a friend on her cracking pair of tits – she needs to know and it’s our duty to tell her!

And the best part about receiving compliments from women is that it’s never followed by the question that so many men ask right after telling you you’re gorgeous. The question that just totally shits all over whatever seemingly sincere compliment the guy has paid you. The question that – rather than making you feel good – makes you question every other commendation you’ve ever been give. The question that all men really fucking need to stop asking.

“You’re really stunning – do you ever doubt that?”

Or  “Do you ever feel self conscious? Because you totally shouldn’t.”

Because this question always raises several of my own. What the fuck does this even mean? Should I feel self conscious? Why would I doubt that I’m attractive? And – even more terribly – am I actually attractive or have people just been lying this whole time?

This type of thing goes way beyond the pub on a Friday night. One Direction have this song which is purely all about a girl who doesn’t know she’s hot and the lyrics go: “You don’t know you’re beautiful, that’s what makes you beautiful.”

Why exactly is it attractive when a woman doesn’t know she’s beautiful?

But in terms of the question – what do men expect once they’ve asked it? For us to go all wide-eyed and gaze up at them pleadingly as we wait for them for reassure us?

This sort of thing has happened to me enough times for it to start to piss me off, quite frankly. I’m no psychologist but I always feel like the guys who ask this kind of question feel like they need you to feel insecure so that they can swoop in build you back up. In other words: take you down a peg, make you feel insecure and in need of him to tell you that you’re beautiful.

But the funny thing is that it makes the man look insecure and you ask, ‘can he not just pay me a genuine compliment without sprinkling fuck boy fairy dust all over the situation?”

Women love men who can tell them they’re beautiful and we love men who aren’t afraid of looking stupid by telling us we’re sexy – because we find it sexy.

And ladies, next time a guy asks you if you ever doubt that you’re hot – politely remind him that you’re majestic and you fucking know it…


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